Do you still have your period?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
