I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
