Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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