Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
