I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
