Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
