I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
