how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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