I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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