she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
