1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just crazy horny about you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
