i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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