Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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