dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
