just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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