I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
