dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize