She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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