It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
