when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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