so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
