Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
