evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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