If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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