Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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