My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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