In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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