I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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