Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
