I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
