i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
