respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
