before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
