Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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