Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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