Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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