Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
