Soap is not a condiment
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
