i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
