I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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