I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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