we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
