My balls are so social today.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I just sharted jello shots
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