fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
