I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
