I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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