I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
