I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have aggressive nipples.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
