You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
