the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
