C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
