I am in a vortex of obligation.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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