Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
