Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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