Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
