u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
