She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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