Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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