I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
