He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
