A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
