Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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