i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
