Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
