I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
