we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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