Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
