I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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