i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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