who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
