Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
