she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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