If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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