dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
