So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
