Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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