I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
