But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
