Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
