my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
