wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
