Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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