Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
